oh god the rape fog is back!
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
