he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
