when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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