dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
