the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
