Where did you get a picture of my penis
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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