just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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