Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
