She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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