I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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