You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
