I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
