I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Sext me about skeletons
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
