You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize