If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize