So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
