p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Well I just put wine in my tea
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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