I like to think it a success when the cops are called
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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