i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
It's just like the Real World with babies
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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