i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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