wanna go halves on a baby?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize