I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
