I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The beer is more important than you right now.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
its liver damage thursday
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
