No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You can't motorboat a personality
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Vodka?
Forever.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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