I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
