I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
