my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
