sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
