worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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