I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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