I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
