i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
