your parents love me but you hate me
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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