I heard we made out
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
