Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
