Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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