Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
