She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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