My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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