I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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