i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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