UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize