the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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