it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
