will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
