his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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