I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
