somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
