either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
