everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
