they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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