she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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