Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
