I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
