he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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