Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
