i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I've blown a few things in my day
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He told me they were just razor bumps!
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
