Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
