If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
