I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
