i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
